They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
