I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
