Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
