Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
