After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
