Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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