ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
