Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
