Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
