we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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