in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this will be a night to untag.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize