I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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