I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
