I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
where are you?
Hypothermia
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
