We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize