hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
