Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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