I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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