Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
