HIV tests are more positive than that guy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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