just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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