I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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