She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize