you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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