I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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