This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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