We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
