Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
