me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
