i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
