i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
