like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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