Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
