its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
