My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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