im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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