I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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