Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
