I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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