oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
