no, he came in my armpit
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
