It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
