coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
