he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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