I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
