1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
