Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
