I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
