hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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