Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
