You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
