The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
