She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
