just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
