I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
