i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
