It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sober January is a disaster.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
