Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
