I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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