drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
