i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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