Kiss
Puke
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
