I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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