we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
