im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
