So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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