You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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