shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He better not be in your backpack
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
