okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
