When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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