I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
