Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize