you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
