I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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