Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
