i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
