so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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