but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
