Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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