make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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