You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
